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Thoughts... | brokenalways's Blog


I think waaaaaayyy too much.
Oh shucks. STOP!

Like thinking so much, going crazy, replaying things over and over again in my head. Hate!


So.
I was having a nice relaxing bubble bath listening to music before for like half hour, maybe more. Boiling hot. I came out and felt all dizzy and light headed as I always do after a boiling bath, so I lay on the couch and watched tele for abit.

I haven't had a bath in ages. Like I rarely ever have baths- a shower usually does me. Easy and quicker and less effort getting it ready. It was nice to just- relax though.
Woulda thought I relax too much, doing nothing all day and all...

I Held my breathe and went under the water cause I filled the bath right up to the top. I stayed there for a minute or so till I was out of breathe and heard the muffled banging on the door from my mum asking me how long I'd be.

So.
Twenty minutes till midnight.
Less than a month till a new year. Hopefully it'll be a better one, but I always say that, and it never is.

Ive got like a totally shit memory but I do remember being younger like 5 years ago maybe. New years eve in my house with my family and some family friends. We watched the countdown on tele and everyone hugged and wished them happy new years. I was young. Like 13 ish. And, all I can remember is standing there feeling totally uncomfortable and shit wishing this year would be a good one...
The last few years I always look forward to Christmas more than anyone else.
But the day is a dissopointment. And I get so sensitive for some reason, And I go to my room and cry... I didn't last year.
Recently I don't cry much, like hardly ever.
It used to be a miricale if I hadn't cried in over a day, now its like never crying. I just don't want to. I don't want to let it out, or worry about someone seeing my tears. I was sick of crying...

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