pulling away... | brokenalways's Blog

i cant help being so unattached and not getting close to people.
Why do I always pull away?
I don't like being accidentally touched or knocked. Most irriatting thing.
I was meant to be going out with this guy I've seen a few times- I drove there- then texted him to say I couldn't come. I mean- I drove like half hour but then didn't want to anymore. I'm so werid like that.
he's a nice guy. I'm a bitch though.

Like my skank of an ex friend said to me - ' he's too good for you' - yeah. Probably right there.

went to the grave today- first Christmas without my lovey neighbour. Loveliest sweetest person you've ever met. Took way too soon. I was thinking about when we were leaving the after-funeral do. About 7 months ago. About how her daughters told my mum she cared for us so much. My mum was like a daughter to her etc...
I don't actually know how ill cope if any of my close family ever die. I nearly died when my doggy had to be put down more than a year ago. And at the neighbours funeral I was fighting back the tears.
I just don't cry in public.
I cant- like - let people see my weaknesses if i can hide them.
Come to think of it- i never cry anymore. At all.
from years ago,- crying every day. To never now. Still depressed. Just dealing in a different way. Well- never coping. Never really 'dealing' with it...

Why do the good die? ... Lets get your life right... Never knew I could hurt like this...
listening to 'byebye' by Mariah carey, akon & lil Wayne.
Love this song...
Lying in the dark. So so ill. Right near christmas- great.
Maybe ill get out of going church tomorow night. Every once a year- Christmas eve- parents force us to go. I am kinda... Religious. Just totally not the church going type. Actually hate church. I'm not even sure if I believe in god and stuffs there's so much shit that doesn't make sense....

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