here's to not caring... | brokenalways's Blog

 i don't know if it's that i've given up- gave up years ago if i am fully honest.
but i don't care.

Maybe it's cause i am feeling very depressed tonight. Or what, but just ranting away as usual...

 I don't care how people really look at me and judge, hey- have they nothing better to do?
 I don't care anymore if i hurt people. If i am being a bitch with someone or promise something and then break that promise- i don't even have the feeling of empathy for them anymore.
 
 Don't get me wrong- i do have a heart. i do tear up seeing comet relief come on with poor children etc. just more things with me and my life. i don't care for anymore. I mean. I actually haven't cried in forever. When two years ago and more it would be crying every night. I can't cry anymore. Like i held them in so much- i don't want to let them out anymore. It doesn't help. useless.

 I mean- fuckinghell. i've kinda been hurt by people so much- that i'm just repaying the favour to someone completely innocent in it.
 What a complete that makes me... i know.

 Like this guy once- he really (seemed) to like me. He was tryna' get back with me and i have a massive go at him, no reason, he annoyed me so i decided to point out every single thing i disliked about him and be a complete bitch of the whole 'letting you down easy' thing, yeah.

 Then i am a complete bitch to my family.
 I am kinda- friendless now cause i push everyone away.
 - i mean- HELL- it is nowhere near ALWAYS my fault. I am not always the one to blame. no matter how much of a fuck-up i am. friendship and everything- works two ways. and i'm not the kinda person who is gonna be taken advantage of or made fun off. i just- wont have it.

 Nobody gets me.  I mean- fuck it- i don't 'get' me- cause i have way too many different sides and personalities that clash against me, i mean, i am like the weirdest person ever...

 Outrageously bored. Gonna keep music in my headphones. Laptop on my bed typing away. Gonna go some koppaberg of my brothers and drink up. need a bit of tipsy-ness to get me out of this black hole tonight...