find somebody... | brokenalways's Blog

 I feel weird today. I should really be in a good mood- with the amount of people who seem to give a shit about me. - but i suppose it's cause i kinda know that they don't- they want something- or need something- or just are passing the time...
 I don't feel like getting close to anyone anymore. I mean- i can't ever be happy with someone, i think. i doubt i'll ever be happy, married, the whole thing like... cause i fuck things up too much and too quickly.
 and i guess i'm kinda like worried... in case they do something to hurt me.
 I mean- being hurt by someone fucking sucks. and, i'm not gonna be hurt by anyone anymore. so- i have given up. i won't get close to anyone so much anymore. i won't let myself be like that- how i used to be.

 Like---  i know i'll never find anybody 'like me' and that's like good in some ways- cause two fucked up people in a relationship or anything wouldn't be good... but i mean- i wouldn't want someone perfect or near perfect, cause i've had that before, and it's on my end- non stop comparing and thinking of people judging. i mean- my personality is so weird how i can be so loud and confident but also so shy and insecure. Makes no sense. Sure i have a oppisite twin inside of me.....
  Listening to - hey soul sister... Aaaah. Better going with the more happy songs so my mood doesn't get any worse. eh?

''you're the one I have decided- who's one of my kind... I'm so glad you have a one track mind like me...'''

 Aaah- listening to 'champion' now by chris brown & chipmunk. OH it's quiet old. but i love it. --- reminds me of that three weeks of happiness i had in the sunninest of March last year. It was the closest i have felt happiness in as long as i can remember. I'd do anything to go back to then,
i was in college. but i laughed so much. the sun was out. i felt comfortable as i wasn't fat or chubby then. i had all my friends. i had a guy. i had my fun and it's weird how much i did laugh in those 3 weeks.
... then it all went away again.
 Take Me BACK!!

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