cautious... | brokenalways's Blog
So. Feeling super shit about myself tonight. I don't know why. I just looked in the mirror and thinking 'wow- i really have to change!' Like i am sooo unconfident about how i look recently. it sucks!
I mean- i can pretend and act as much as possible but. i mean, i feel comfortable when i am wearing something that i like, what i feel good in, i feel confident in it, but in certain things, i just hate me.
I need to lose the weight. I hate being chubby! fucking hate it. then when i get money, im gonna get a boob job so i don't have small tits like i do now!
I wanna be like i used to be.- when my face was always clear and flawless, my hair was nicer- it was so much easier and i liked the bleach blonde color. but having it now would make my face feel fat. or so i think.
I was talking to my mum before about me being chubby now. and she was like 'you've gained weight, but your not chubby' . eurgh. whenever i say to my friends about how i hate being fat they always comment on how im only a size 8/10 so i can't be fat. But that's not really right- cause i am really small, like only 5 foot 1. and now i am like not toned at all- i hate it ! feel so horrid about it.
When i went with this guy the other day and we were.... getting naked. i was drunk but i still was like 'shit- i've gained weight- i look awful'' so i never felt completely comfortable. Where a year ago- i would have been the first one to strip off. BLaaaaaaaahh. Need stop complaining . it'll be FINE. :)
EURGH. whatever. gonna be my old weight by June-ish.
Then i will be back thin, earning money, hopefully by mid- 2013 i will be a little bit happy. maybe. hopefully.
Then in like a year i can get my boobs done! and at least my body and job front will be good.
okay, REALLY early morning tomorrow, like 8 in the morning. oh i am going to die!!
Then interview. Hopefully go okay. then back home for a few hoursssssssssssssssssss!
SHIT hopefully i can get to sleep soon, half midnight already. Sucks...
There are no comments on this post yet, be the first to leave one!
Previous Postsfirst week sticking to it..., posted April 26th, 2015
in a long time..., posted April 23rd, 2015
it will be me, won't it..., posted February 16th, 2015
public..., posted January 31st, 2015
emotional child..., posted August 12th, 2014
excitement up up up..., posted August 3rd, 2014
cuddles for me..., posted May 8th, 2014
happy, happier, happiness..., posted May 4th, 2014
not one of those days..., posted April 29th, 2014
just happy..., posted April 23rd, 2014
hatred..., posted February 22nd, 2014
on with things..., posted February 15th, 2014
time..., posted February 5th, 2014
boredness blah..., posted January 30th, 2014
not right..., posted January 26th, 2014
always a good..., posted January 21st, 2014
waiting for the future..., posted January 13th, 2014
super horny..., posted January 5th, 2014
back to normal..., posted January 4th, 2014
home..., posted December 18th, 2013
worlds cruel..., posted November 26th, 2013
hope everythings fine..., posted November 13th, 2013
all done..., posted October 26th, 2013
moody thing..., posted October 23rd, 2013
new day..., posted October 12th, 2013
Its' confidence..., posted October 9th, 2013
better for tomorrow..., posted September 29th, 2013
saturday..., posted September 28th, 2013
kinda lucky..., posted September 27th, 2013
something wrong..., posted September 22nd, 2013
starting..., posted September 22nd, 2013
too quick, too nervous..., posted September 16th, 2013, 1 comment
desperation led to goodness..., posted September 15th, 2013
second week..., posted September 11th, 2013
not much..., posted September 7th, 2013
better..., posted August 6th, 2013
it hurts..., posted August 4th, 2013
home..., posted July 29th, 2013
Lovely day..., posted July 9th, 2013
says it by the name..., posted July 7th, 2013
Not sure..., posted July 2nd, 2013
living for the weekends..., posted June 25th, 2013
What's happened..., posted June 12th, 2013
long..., posted May 19th, 2013
too good..., posted May 8th, 2013
dog..., posted May 6th, 2013
touchy..., posted May 5th, 2013
mood..., posted May 4th, 2013
happy..., posted May 2nd, 2013
away..., posted April 28th, 2013
BlogrollHere are some friends' blogs...
HelpEmbed Photos Embed Videos