just another person... | brokenalways's Blog

 'the grass so green on the other side... I can feel your pain, I can feel your struggle, ... & you feel like you're just another person getting lost in the crowd......'

 Both of Us - B.O.B - aah i love it. i love the lyrics even if some of them are like- what!?
 Yeah. It's a good songggg!

  I'm feeling okay today. Recently i've been having more happy spells than my usual 100% depressive self. It's good. I'm getting a little bit better. Woo! :)
 I don't know why> I'm not gonna question it.
 So- today was alright- bit like 'SHIT' at times cause im super tiny in height so everytime she wanted somebody small she was like 'you!' i was like ohhhhhh....  Then like this girl like 'your quiet shy aren't you?' and i was like 'sometimes yeah' and then she just babbled on about her life....
  I mean- i don't really see the point of making friends in those situations- you see each over for a few days & never see each other again . why bother...

 So yeah. Tomorrow gonna help take gran to the hospital again  (i'm so nice!) then off to volunteering at after school club. Haven't been there once this week cause of the training days for work i have been to. So i'm glad it's over with and back to volunteering tomorrow and friday afternoons. It makes me smile.
 As soon as my references come back to work i can start, so hopefully a week or two, as soon as they come through then i'm working properly! woo :)

 Oh. This guy keeps texting me who i knew a while back but never really talked to him cause he was like an utter cocky prick.. Now he's apparently changed and i saw him the other weekend round town and genuinely 100X nicer than he was before. I just dunno though.
 I saw him a few weeks ago on a kind-of date and now he none stops texts me and we flirt and he's always says i'm cute and stuffs.. I mean- he's nice. He's not bad looking. I'm just not sure. There's something about it i can't explain. I suppose it's kinda too cause i don't wanna be in a relationship. I am totally shit with relationships and i won't let anybody hurt me anymore, so..... and i think he is looking for a relationship. I don't know what to do.....

 Then there is this other guy i met tons of times when i've been drunk, and kissed way too many times too. He's 24. dark skin, nearly-shaven black hair, and quiet big - like when a guy is very muscley but has fat on him too.... I don't really like him at all though. I was drunk any times i have met him really... & he seriously wants me to come to his so we can go to dinner, hang out, have sex- he is defiantly wanting sex. I mean- i just don't know what should i say 'yeah- i don't like you'' .... I don't know why i am being like this recently.  I am usually the most heartless bitch ever. Urgh> i've changed. DARN. He just texted me, again....
   Ahahahahaha. Shit.
 He has actually just texting me saying 'you know i actually was looking forward to this weekend but now i'm gutted, oh well guess it's not your fault'''
 IS he fucking SERIOUS!????
    Oh MY Gosh!!!!!!
 i seriously am just gonna have to text him saying how i don't like him and don't want to have sex with him. no!

  Weird i used to always want to be with someone again after i split with my boyfriend. And i went in little relationships then fucked them off cause i wasn't feeling it or they pissed me off and i am a moody bitch... I just think being single is easier, less painful and funner now..  I mean it is a miracle if i go out without kissing a stranger (even though they may sound kinda trampy- just a kiss!) So being in a relationship wouldn't be right for me now..... I mean- the one thing i do want is someone to keep me warm and entertained when it is freezing outside !!!

 AHhhhhhhhhhhh.... Life will all fold into place soon enough>> hell. it has already quiet a bit. I'm getting better.

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