unsure... | brokenalways's Blog
Have no idea what i'm going to do. I can't stop thinking- maybe over-thinking.
Can't stop wondering and worrying and being fucking terrified and wanting to fucking cry & cry & cry. I never cry. Unless i am drunk- then the tears will NOT hold back. Oh- maybe getting drunk tomorrow won't be a great idea. I know i will end up in floods tomorrow night after drinking cause of the shittyness i feel and the awkward situation it will be- i will be an emotional wreck.
I just want to be happy.
You can think the depression is going away. It's hiding for a little while. Your too busy and occupied and excited that you think you might have actually fucking beaten depression, you haven't wished for death in days, you have actually felt happiness for longer than 10 minutes long. But then. Nope. No fucking way. Cause it will always define me. It will always be inside of me like a fucking curse or something. Disease.
My new boyfriend used to be depressed- he sounds like he had it tough growing up in a shit area, smoking and drinking really young, getting kicked out and living on the streets and depression- and he is amazing and living good now. It's incredible how he has done it.
He said to me since he met me- only just under 3 weeks ago- that i have made him feel like hiself again. After his ex who he was with for a while- she tried to change him- but with me- he just is hiself and i make him happy> And that makes me so fucking happy. I can't believe i have made somebody else happy.
I just need happiness now. To stay.
When i am with him. He makes me laugh. Smile. Happy.
But even last night lying in bed with him just lay there while he slept- i couldn't stop fucking thinking about what's gonna happen in the next few weeks. With job. With life. With my friends. I have no fucking idea what the hell i should do about the job situation> it makes no sense to me. I'm lost....
There are no comments on this post yet, be the first to leave one!
Previous Postsemotional child..., posted August 12th, 2014
excitement up up up..., posted August 3rd, 2014
cuddles for me..., posted May 8th, 2014
happy, happier, happiness..., posted May 4th, 2014
not one of those days..., posted April 29th, 2014
just happy..., posted April 23rd, 2014
hatred..., posted February 22nd, 2014
on with things..., posted February 15th, 2014
time..., posted February 5th, 2014
boredness blah..., posted January 30th, 2014
not right..., posted January 26th, 2014
always a good..., posted January 21st, 2014
waiting for the future..., posted January 13th, 2014
super horny..., posted January 5th, 2014
back to normal..., posted January 4th, 2014
home..., posted December 18th, 2013
worlds cruel..., posted November 26th, 2013
hope everythings fine..., posted November 13th, 2013
all done..., posted October 26th, 2013
moody thing..., posted October 23rd, 2013
new day..., posted October 12th, 2013
Its' confidence..., posted October 9th, 2013
better for tomorrow..., posted September 29th, 2013
saturday..., posted September 28th, 2013
kinda lucky..., posted September 27th, 2013
something wrong..., posted September 22nd, 2013
starting..., posted September 22nd, 2013
too quick, too nervous..., posted September 16th, 2013, 1 comment
desperation led to goodness..., posted September 15th, 2013
second week..., posted September 11th, 2013
not much..., posted September 7th, 2013
better..., posted August 6th, 2013
it hurts..., posted August 4th, 2013
home..., posted July 29th, 2013
Lovely day..., posted July 9th, 2013
says it by the name..., posted July 7th, 2013
Not sure..., posted July 2nd, 2013
living for the weekends..., posted June 25th, 2013
What's happened..., posted June 12th, 2013
long..., posted May 19th, 2013
too good..., posted May 8th, 2013
dog..., posted May 6th, 2013
touchy..., posted May 5th, 2013
mood..., posted May 4th, 2013
happy..., posted May 2nd, 2013
away..., posted April 28th, 2013
bound to happen..., posted April 27th, 2013
story..., posted April 21st, 2013
lazy sunday..., posted April 21st, 2013
time again..., posted April 20th, 2013
BlogrollHere are some friends' blogs...
HelpEmbed Photos Embed Videos