happiness... | brokenalways's Blog

   I should be happy.
 I have the loveliest boyfriend ever- he is amazing, cute, funny- he said he was thinking about telling me he loved me last night - but is going to wait till he is 100% sure. He says how nobody has ever made him feel so happy and laugh so much- how i make him feel like his old self again- how i am special. He is amazing and i really am falling for him. It's weird but i don't care cause it's great at the same time. I am happy with my boyfriend.

 I have just got the all go on the job. Starting first shift tomorrow early in the morning- up at 6am to get ready and go till 1pm. I'm nervous to fuck. but i'll get through it , i always do,- then after a little while it will be okay. I got the job pretty damm easy too. Not too hard work. It should be good.

 I have a good life. Good family. Good job. Good boyfriend. I go out all the time (but won't be able to half as much now since i have a job!) Good friends- not alot of friends but the ones i have- are good. I can't overly complain too much.

 but i'm not happy.
 Probably over-thinking or whatever but i can't stop feeling depressed.
 
 I think that's why i am extra excited and in the 'can't wait' mood for tomorrow night to when i see my boyfriend and have a chat with my bestie- and then Friday night will be amazing and then Sunday too.
 but now i have a job- i might get called in- so no Friday maybe no Sunday. If i can't go his tomorrow night and all day Friday i really will be upset. Fuck.
 I miss him.
 It's so strange how we miss each other so easily- so much.
 
 Hopefully i won't have to work Friday at all.
 I don't care overly much about drinking night with all my girls on the Sunday- i just really want our 24+ hours together tomorrow night and on Friday till Saturday morning.
 Please!?

 And please Please PLEASE let tomorrow morning go good. go okay at least.
 Let me get on with the people, not be too awkward and shy, get there okay, be able to sleep early for a okay night's sleep tonight, Just let my first day not be awful . And then hopefully i won't have to work Friday. Oh God i hope not !!!!!